This is a collection of some of the best quotes from the series. All quotes are sorted by episode!

Wax Lion

Mahandra: Disappointing your family is an extreme sport for you.

Girl: You're not supposed to steal.
Jaye: You're not supposed to talk to strangers. Piss off.

Pink Flamingos

Jaye: Eric can't talk right now, because he's servicing me sexually.

Jaye: I don't have a choice. I'm a puppet. The universe sticks its hand up my butt, and if I don't dance people get hurt.

Eric: So, did you defy the chicken?
Jaye: Uh-huh.
Eric: And how'd that work out for ya?
Jaye: I think I may have killed a man.
Eric: Oh. So not as well as we'd hoped then?

Karma Chameleon

Jaye: You've gotta choose people who aren't much more motivated than you are - but don't surround yourself with total narcissists. Otherwise, things start to be about something other than you.

Bianca: Your home is a trailer. Don't you see the beautiful poetry in that? It's a thing that's been designed to go someplace, and yet the hitch isn't hooked up to anything. So it just sits here, never living up to it's potential... but never in any danger of breaking down either.

Jaye: A brother who lives at home, and is still considered more successful than I am, which could be because I live in a trailer that, while it may look like Jeannie's bottle, is actually slightly smaller.

Wound-Up Penguin

Jaye: Yes, but maybe she's just a lazy whore. That happens, right? They can't all have hearts of gold and good work ethics.

Jaye: The voices, the animals, I was just mad at them. But they aren't demonic. It just feels like that sometimes when they make me help people.

Crime Dog

Jaye: You ambushed us with the fuzz. You were all back-lit and evil-smoking like that guy on the X-Files.

Jaye: Just try to get Aaron out.
Sharon: He's already out
Jaye: Bastard! He sang?
Sharon: No, you admitted to driving the car.
Jaye: Oohh, I sang...
Sharon: There are like six Law and Orders on the air now, have you not seen one of them?

Muffin Buffalo

Jaye: I do admit the whole shut-in thing has a certain appeal. Dress is optional, and there's the part where you get to avoid people.

Barrel Bear

Mahandra: This is sad. This is sadder than that hooker we saw getting beat up by that other hooker.
Alec: At least a hooker fight would draw a crowd.

Jaye: How long have you been using the Republican party as a lesbian dating service?

Viv: I was supposed to ride that barrel right out of this crummy town.
Jaye: And you never considered a bus?

Jaye: Look at me: I'm 24 and I've never done anything. I have a worthless philosophy degree that's gotten me no further than a dead-end retail job working for a mouth-breather so I can continue to support my trailer park lifestyle. Do you think I sit around feeling sorry for myself?

Lovesick Ass

Peter: He wants you all to himself. He won't share you with anyone. You're in danger. He's dangerous. I saw him smoking a cigarette.
Jaye: He doesn't smoke. He doesn't hit people. He doesn't deface synagogues and he doesn't frequent gay bath houses.
Peter: I have pictures.
Jaye: You have photo-imaging software!
Peter: I'm only trying to protect you. Come with me to the cabin. I'll keep you safe. We have a cellar.

Eric: You know, even if you got rid of me, you'd still be left with the biggest obstacle to Jaye's heart.
Peter: What's that?
Eric: Jaye.

Safety Canary

Aaron: I wanna see an engorged cloaca!
Penelope: You can't. I told you, your powerful sexual chemistry is too distracting.
Aaron: I get that a lot, actually.

Jaye: I'm trying to save him. By avoiding him. So I can be with him. But I can't go near him or I'll destroy him, so if I can just manage to stay away from him maybe we can be together. Please don't repeat that back to me.

Jaye: I've never seen anyone work so hard to get someone else laid in my entire life. You are like the total mac daddy bird pimp.

Lying Pig

Jaye: Brain damage suits her.

Heidi: You hit me with a television!
Jaye: It was a portable!

Mahandra: You're like a brother to me.
Aaron: So, I make love like a black man?
Mahandra: Not that kind of brother, you idiot!

Cocktail Bunny

Jaye: Tell me why. Why make me make the man I love re-marry his hussy bride? How is that helpful? Who does that benefit besides the hussy, 'cause I'm not in the business of benefiting hussies.

Heidi: We're both reasonable women.
Mahandra: Ha!
Heidi: We're both capable of reason.

Jaye: Of course she's not pressing charges. Murderers don't press charges. It calls unwanted attention to themselves.

Jaye: Tell me why you talk to me!
Brass Monkey: Because... you listen.

Totem Mole

Jaye: I couldn't stand the thought of spending another day looking at those faces with their stupid little mouths constantly running and making all sorts of unreasonable demands on me.
Mahandra: Are you sure you should be in a customer service industry?

Aaron: St. Paul was just a punk until he was blinded by the light, and Gandhi was just drinking and whoring it up with his friends until he heard the cry of his people.
Jaye: And Neo was just a geek until he swallowed that little red pill.

Bill: Thank you for supporting this imperialist establishment. Enjoy your purchase and have a racist day!

Sharon: Behind this door is one very dehydrated, very angry, and very litigious woman! Pry, man! Pry!

Caged Bird

Wade: Is this one of those stores that gives its employees a cash bonus when they apprehend a shoplifter?
Jaye: Ten percent of whatever they were gonna steal! One time I accidentally left the watch case open and I got, like, 500 bucks.

Jaye: I make good life choices - mostly because they're forced on me - but I make them, and I find myself in unpleasant situations all the time. You know why? Because even if you have a choice it can and will be taken away from you. We're all fate's bitch. You might as well go ahead and bend over for destiny now.

Alec: No! Please, don't kill me! I can't die! I've never been with a woman!
Bank robber: You...
Sharon: I have been with a woman!

This fanlisting was last updated on December 31, 2011. We have 396 fans listed with 0 pending! This site is listed in the TV Shows category at The Fanlistings Network. I am proud to have run this fanlisting since July 16, 2004!

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